Matthew 18:15-20

I think we all know that conflicts happen. Problems and disagreements occur despite our best intentions…even Jesus knew this! Even Jesus knew that we would argue or cause each other pain, even if it’s unintentional. I love that Jesus makes it a point to talk about it; he makes it a point to give the disciples advice and helps them figure out how to deal with it.

“If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. ¹⁶But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church…” (Matthew 18:15-17a)

Step one: go to the person one on one and communicate how you feel and how they’re words or actions hurt you. If the person doesn’t listen to you, or doesn’t see the wrong they’ve done, take a few other people with you to address it.

It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? So why do we so often do the exact opposite? Why do we so often either bury it deep down or tell everyone except the person involved? A friend of mine from seminary had a great time with this and worked up some additional scenarios. Here are a couple of things Jesus did not say, but that we seem to do anyway:

“If another member of the church sins against you, withdraw quietly yet in disgust, go home in a huff, and stew about it for a few months.”

“If another member of the church sins against you, silently hold it against the ministries they love, and decline to support any of them for a year or two.”

“If another member of the church sins against you, grumble about it to your friends, or better yet, to the pastor (but don’t mention the name of the offending person), or better yet, to your various online communities.”

“If another member of the church sins against you, bottle up your feelings until they come spilling out sideways on a future occasion, preferably at a congregational meeting or at coffee hour on Easter.”

“If another member of the church sins against you, cut your participation in half, and after a while, leave the congregation permanently without telling anyone. Then, either look for a new church, or just stop going to church altogether.”

Sound familiar? It certainly does to me! When conflict arises, we so often do everything we can to avoid it, which means we don’t actually find ways to address it. It boils underneath the surface far longer than it should.

And so we are given some best practices by Jesus on how to maintain a healthy community. The restoration of relationships seems to be God’s main purpose. Relationships between people, the relationship with humanity and the rest of creation, the relationship between creation and God.

The goal is always reconciliation. This doesn’t mean that we let people off the hook for inappropriate or hurtful behavior—quite the opposite! The behavior is named and exposed and the person is held accountable for it. However, this accountability doesn’t mean a person is ousted for good. When steps are taken to ask for forgiveness and do the work of restoration, healing can happen. There is still a place for them in the community whenever reconciliation is able to occur.

Now, you might be thinking, “But Pastor Becca! What about what Jesus says next?” It’s a good point: a few verses later, it might not seem like Jesus is looking for reconciliation. Jesus concludes his advice by saying that, if someone doesn’t listen, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (v.17b)

At first hearing, this seems like an exclusionary order: Gentiles and tax collectors were considered outside of the proper, religious circles. Most of the time, we assume that Jesus is saying to no longer care about these people, to leave them out, to cast them away. That’s what it sounds like…but is that really what Jesus is saying?

Jesus says to treat them like Gentiles and tax collectors…and how does Jesus teach Gentiles and tax collectors?

A few weeks ago, the Gospel text was from a few chapters earlier in Matthew. Do you remember the story of the Canaanite woman—a gentile? Her daughter was suffering and she shouted after Jesus, begging him to heal her little girl. He ignored her, but she kept it up. His disciples asked him to make her go away because she was getting on their nerves. Jesus tells her to go away, that he was only sent for the people of Israel. She persists and kneels before him, saying again, “Lord, help me.” (Matthew 15:25b CEB)

He tells her, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and toss it to dogs.” (v.26) Is that where the story ends? Does Jesus finally send her away?

No, in the face of these harsh words, she speaks up again and says she’s willing to have whatever he can give, even crumbs. Jesus, for his part, finally gets it, finally relents, and her daughter is healed.

So, if we are to treat people like Gentiles, it seems like we are to realize our prejudices against others and welcome them into the community when they seek us out.

What about tax collectors? In the ninth chapter of Matthew, Jesus meets a man named Matthew sitting at a table collecting taxes. Jesus tells him, “Follow me,” and Matthew does, getting up and inviting Jesus to eat with him in his home. (9:9-10 CEB)

The Pharisees are unhappy with this; they ask Jesus’ disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (v.11) Jesus doesn’t let their disdain get to him. He simply tells them that these are the people he is called to be with and called to serve.

Again, if we are to treat people like tax collectors, it seems like we are to engage them, care for them, and invite them into relationship.

See? Even when Jesus says to treat people like Gentiles and tax collectors, it isn’t a slight. It’s not a command to keep them outside our communities in perpetuity. It’s a reminder to continue to care for them and to continue to seek reconciliation, even if it doesn’t happen right away. It doesn’t mean every relationship will be instantaneously healed, but it’s a step. Next week, we have the disciple Peter’s famous question, “Lord, how many times should I forgive my [sibling] who sins against me?” (18:21 CEB) He knows that it will probably be at least more than once.

Our relationships are not perfect and never will be. Our community is not perfect and never will be, at least not before Jesus comes again—but, with Christ’s help, we can do better. We can address our conflicts directly. We can work against problems, not against people. We can seek wholeness and healing. We can find forgiveness and maybe even reconciliation.

“If another member of the church sins against you…” ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”

Amen. 

– Rev. Rebecca Ajer Frantz, Lutheran Church of Our Saviour

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